Blurred vision 2020

Waking up early today (31st of December 2020) as my wife and my 1-year old toddler still asleep, an urge inside of me wanted to write something about how this year went by on our lives. Like the usual. Well, year-end blogs somehow kept this blog running through the years. Was it? Okay, so where am I now?

This urge had been living in my mind rent-free these past few days now and I know that it will never stop until I take the first step. So I’m already doing it now.

I decided to scan my Netflix account this morning and saw that the mockumentary / dark comedy entitled “DEATH TO 2020” was one of the top 10 in my home country. I just saw the trailer but if I’m going to be honest, I was drawn by it and just watch. Well, it narrates what happened to America, Britain, and the rest of the world this 2020. Practically, it’s still not done. Natural calamities such as storms, hurricanes, tornadoes, wildfires, earthquakes up to the worldwide pandemic brought by COVID-19. It also contains commentaries on politics (US 2020 Election), racism, police brutality, privilege, and some other topics people tend to avoid and feel uncomfortable. Well, what I said was just based on what I saw from the trailer but I may give it a try sometime later.

Watch: DEATH TO 2020 on Netflix (TRAILER)

Originally, my title for this entry was “(FIGURATIVE) Death to 2020”. I actually don’t care if there’s a copyright infringement because of what I feel but of course, I think about my wife whom is uncomfortable with anything related to the D-word. I also considered “Leaving 2020” or “Officially Unsubscribing to 2020 or anything that had something to do with moving on from this year. Well, I already did it years ago during that one of the lowest points in my life. But I’ll never hesitate to give a similar title for this year.

Saying that a person had a 20/20″ vision, means that person had a clear eyesight. Thus figuratively, year 2020 we’re somehow a symbol of seeing the path to fulfilling our hopes and dreams. This thought were reinforced by the fact that it’s the start of a new decade and of course, it was expected that everything shall be good even in the beginning.

UNFORTUNATELY, IT’S NOT!

Like what the American Netflix mockumentary recapped, many unfavorable things happened this 2020 around the world. Let alone here in the Philippines. Started from eruption of Taal Volcano in Batangas last January, the COVID-19 outbreak that’s not yet over, and other natural calamities such as earthquakes and super typhoons that torments us every year. Mind you, these things should’ve been handled better but unfortunately, our leaders didn’t. Obviously, they should’ve prioritized healthcare and disaster management but then again, misplaced the people’s taxes on things that aren’t even essential.

Oh if you like to see how many times I’ve said that I’m tired of living here in the Philippines and paying unreasonable taxes only for the corrupt officials to mishandle them, check my Twitter. Well, it feels like a disservice to exclude my rants about the bad governance here in my country but for the sake of my mental health, I try my best to reek of joy even on these trying times.

I do know that we’re all on this same storm but not on the same boat; and maybe, there are some whose in the worse boat than us. Still, I can’t help it but feel bad that some big things that I planned for this 2020 didn’t materialized.

Another thing, although I’ve been working remotely for 5 years now, I can’t help if but feel fatigued especially when I also had to conduct my teaching classes online. Again, this is separate from my full time job as an engineer. Plans about quitting it kept on crossing my mind. I even wrote about it on my previous blog on how COVID-19 affected our lives. I wasn’t able to graduate this year as well because you know… I can’t even find time to study.

READ: But COVID-19 happened…

Like what I said, year-ends are my favorite.

Christmas and new year alike. The feast, the festive ambiance, the people’s excitement, and the cold weather. However, this year seems different, depressing in a way. There’s little to no excitement around and the weather is freaking hot which I hate. We did have lots of food and somehow decorated a little though.

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Although I know that firecracker noise had been minimized for years now, last night feels much quieter despite the noise done by honking cars and loud music. Oh I was only able to continue writing now (January 1st) as we still did things to somehow celebrate.

My sense of time, vision, and huge portion of idealism were ruined last year. Although I still try my best to fulfill the goals I’ve set, it feels frustrating that it seemed like I don’t have much time to spare. I’m trying hard surviving and fulfilling the responsibilities I already have in my plate that also demands a huge portion of my time and focus. Thus, the title I’ve just set.

It’s still calls for a celebration that my wife was able to launch her online business. I remember people making a Feng Shui Expert Hanz Cua a laughing stock for predicting that year 2020 is a year of “new business and new job opportunities.” Well, our household doesn’t rely or believe in Feng Shui or something but seeing online businesses thrive, similar to our start-up online store, maybe he’s not wrong after all. I still acknowledge that some people’s lives went at stake this year.

Like what many people said, if the only notable goals we’ve achieved this year is surviving this horrific roller coaster year, it’s okay. It’s still worthy to celebrate and you still did great.

I do celebrate my daughter being able to speak in long sentences now. Though I don’t literally understand what she meant when she speaks.

At the end of the day, my goals are still the same: finish graduate school, thrive on marriage and parenting, write blogs, travel, and many more hoping somewhat I can accomplish them this year.

I know the worst is not yet over for this world as long as we don’t do something. The world seems to not getting any better either. I can only hope that we get stronger.

I don’t want to say that we should lessen or lower our expectations for this year. As I usually teach in Project Management, the right and more appropriate term is to “manage.” Managing our expectations means “hoping for the best without letting our guard down in case of the worst.”

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

DEX B.

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